Reflections on last year

It's so hard to believe that a year has went by. Where does the time fly? I'm in such a better place this year than I was last year. Last year I was in a very unhappy, unhealthy marriage. The end of February of last year would have been a year of this marriage. I remember being scared of what I was going to do, hoping he would realize what he was doing, and hating that I had my daughter and myself in this mess. As parents, we try to do what's best for our children and well, I thought this marriage would do that for my daughter. It got us in a nice, big house and my daughter in a great school district but these were not the right reasons for getting married. I loved him but well love isn't always the best. I had separated myself for God and church. When I was going through my thyroid cancer, I lost my faith. I was mad at God for my divorce from my daughter's dad, being 30 and being divorced, and then adding cancer to the mix. I was so scared and so mad and well it took me several years to realize he was right there with me but I chose to ignore him. When I was writing a paper for my freshman english class, I wrote it why I do the "Race for the Cure" each year and it was my cancer story. As I was writing it, well I cried the whole time that I wrote the paper. Reading back over it, I saw the times when God was right there with me. He sent my dad to the hospital with a "Leroy's" hamburger and french fries (when you get ready for a radioactive iodine treatment you have to eat a very special diet - you feel like you are starving and then when you get to the hospital for the treatment you can eat whatever you want). God also sent a wonderful nurse in that night to check on me (with the radioactive iodine treatment you are put in isolation until your counts are down to a safe level - Arkansas now lets you do these treatments in your home but several years ago you had to go to the hospital and have everything in your room covered in plastic and the nurses usually treat you like you had the plaque) - which I was so thankful because the hamburger made me so sick or the iodine treatment did. It's amazing that when we are so low, and God is always there whether we realize it or not.

In April, I purchased my first home by myself. Erynn and I were so excited. I had a cedar chest, kitchen items, enough Christmas decorations to decorate three houses, a bed and two night stands and our clothing. It was a very scary time again. We started going back to church and in July I started going to Sunday School classes again. I'm getting there. We are all tested at times with our religion. We just have to find our way back.

So, I have almost went a whole year of making house payments and all the utilities that go with it. I know that I am truly blessed because not all single mom's are able to do this and I'm truly blessed to have the parents that I do.

Today, being the first day of a new year - you never know what the year will bring but I hope it's half as good as last year - even with all the turmoil - it was a very blessed year.

Wishing all of you a very prosperous, happy new year.